pain through the pen

after a long time once again i am going to write all my pains through the pen .

so from here i start my painful story which can waste your time if you read it at the end,

every day from the morning to the night .

from the sun rise to the sunset.

from waking up to sleep.

i have lot of thoughts but about only one person whome i have lost ago.

yes this one is also about the same girl who left me and did not told me the reason behind her decision.

every night before going to sleep i keep finding faults in myself .

generally in days i try to keep myself busy in some stuff so i can handle my emotions but it's harder to control your emotion at night.

every night when i miss you i find tears in my eyes.

and suddenly all the  memories which we made for hard time when we are not together and miss eachother flashes in my mind . 

but now i realise that you were never involved in making them and you will never miss those moments.

and when i miss you when i realises that you are not with me and will never come back i just lost control on myself ,and at that time i slap myself for no reason , i pull my own hair and  want to throw all stuff which is around me, i want to cry loudly.

in short i tried to torture myself for no reason.but cause of physicall pain i am not able to tortured myself too hard.

so for avoiding all that thoughts you know what i try to do ?

i tried to pretend like everything is normal and close my eyes 

and try to divert my mind from all that thought

but few drops of tears are continuosly coming out from the corner of my closed eyes.

i try too much to stop my tears and i get success but what about the emotions ?

what about the feelings of broken heart? they all have to come out from somewhere.

so at the end i wrote all this stuff .

so for a sleep in a peacefull deepsleep ,i write all my pain through my pen .