make me fall asleep

i want to stake a sharp object in my heart untill the last drop of my blood comes out from it with all the feelings i have in it .

everyday i tried to pretend that i am okay and good without you and i mooved on with this breakup thing 

but in real i am not okay without you, just because from the day one when we came in this beautyfull relationship i started belived in you in your promises,

i bealived that you are the only love of my life.but everything vanished in a mooment just like in a fictional movie someone snapped and everthing vanished.

however i  managed to spent my daytime by distracting my self from your sweet memories 

but in the night i can't resist it and these sweet memories works like poisen  for my heart .

everynight i cry for you ,every moments in which we live , all those memories which we made ,comes in my mind one by one and it hurts .

it hurts more when on the one hand i miss you too much and having a hope of your comeback and on the other hand i can't ignore the fact that you are gone from my life and you decided not to come back again.

however i escaped from your memories in daytime by making myself busy but in the night when no one is around me i am unable to resist it.

and you know what ,the room full of darkness with deep silence turns in darkest place in which you can clearly hear that your heartbeat matches with your wallclock's tic-tic.

and with your memories it turns in the worst place like hell.

and everynight in this hell when i exhausted with all this stuff and tried to escape from your memories the only vision comes in mind is, stake my heart with a sharp object untill the last drop of my blood comes out from it with all the feeling i have in it .

and you know everynight while going through this negativity the only thing i wish is 

"DEAR GOD , PLEASE MAKE ME FALL ASLEEP BEFORE I DO SOMETHING WRONG WITH MYSELF BECAUSE THERE IS STILL A LITTLE HOPE OF HER COMEBACK"